When I really stopped and thought about this for a while, it was easy to draw parallels between these people and victims of sexual abuse, or even abuse in general. The whirlwind of negative and self-destructive emotions that a person goes through with abuse mirror the same for abductees. Those abused often try to drive the experience from their mind, which causes a lot of other psychological issues. Or, because they CAN’T drive it from their minds, they lash out at the world. They also, almost always, go on to suffer from some form of depression.Continue reading
Since it’s Halloween, one of my favorite holidays by the way, I’d like to talk about what frightens me. Fear is one of those things that, for some people at least, is somewhat difficult to discuss. It’s kind of a big thing to admit that you’re frightened at all, let alone what might have frightened you. To some it’s about not appearing weak, for others it’s about not wanting to think about what scares them, for fear of….well, being afraid. Still others refuse to speak of their fears because they feel dwelling on one’s fear for too long diminishes their experience of life and living it; that it gets in the way of the more enjoyable things in life. For myself, I embrace fear, for it is only in accepting and examining our fears that we overcome them. The path to courage is through fear, you might say.
I’m afraid of a lot of things, actually, and my fears have evolved and changed as I have grown older. For example, I used to be afraid to go into certain parts of my house, because that shit was haunted. I’m still afraid of haunted places, but for very different reasons than I had been before. I no longer think of what could come out of the darkness to”get” me, but what might follow me home and become interested in my life in a way I don’t want it to. I’ve also found great comfort in my own courage about that sort of thing. I used to be afraid of getting jumped and getting the shit kicked out of me after school, but these same kids who would beat on me would also never enter a haunted house alone, and I would. I took my beatings and my humiliation (by far the more terrifying aspect of an ass-whooping for me) but they would not and could not take the….spooking? BLOODY COWARDS!!!
It’s funny how we have different kinds of fears, too. There’s the palpable, serious fears of adulthood, like worrying about losing a loved one, or a job. Then there’s the more ethereal fears like a fear of the dark, or the fear of the unknown, which I think everyone experiences at some points in their lives. The more elusive fears are the far more serious ones, I think. They’re the ones that creep up on us when we aren’t paying attention and suddenly make us feel completely out of control. There is also the irrational psychological fears, like spiders, needles or sock puppets. Mine is wasps and hornets. I turn into a crazy person when it concerns those flying, stinging assholes. **Disclaimer: This does not include most honeybees! Honeybees make honey and are directly responsible for the creation of mead. They are a global treasure and must be preserved. That is all!**
I think what I fear most is that I will somehow be the instrument of my own misery, that somehow my whole life will fall apart in front of me and I will lose everything that I care about and everyone that I love, and that it will be my own fault. Again, this is a variation of a fear I held when I was a teenager: that I would completely lose control of my anger and explode, hurting everyone around me. I overcame this fear as an adult, as I realized that for all of my own seething anger at the world, I am far more in control of my temper and my temperament than most people think I am and, more importantly than most people are. One of my favorite lines from The Avengers is, “That’s my secret, Captain…I’m always angry.”
I have to say, without arrogance, that one thing I’ve never feared is death, and I mean that. I’ve never been afraid to die, not even when I was a little kid. When I was in Ireland with my mother for a summer trip, we were on the second level of a double decker bus and a couple of… let’s call them hooligans…. were giving my mom and I shit because we were American. They came up and sat right behind us and one of them pulled out a gun and put it to the back of my seat. He looked at my mom and menacingly sneered at her, which caused her to almost throw up and start blabbering about how she was born in the country and how very Irish she was. A nine year old Kevin promptly mocked the shit bird for his “little” gun (I think it was a .22) and how it didn’t look at all real. The guy looked at me with what I can only describe as a combination of frustration, amusement and respect, assuring me that it was real. I assured him that if his gun was real, it was so small it didn’t look like it would have hurt me much. He laughed at me loudly and after a short conversation with us, got off at the very next stop, telling us both to have a good day. I realized many years later while looking at some pictures of firearms that his gun was likely very real. Dodged that bullet I guess, HA!
Now having said that, I can tell you that had these two Irishmen wanted to beat me up, I’d have been terrified. Again I think that I was far more afraid of the humiliation of getting beat up than any actual physical danger. How that makes sense, I do not understand, but hey – that’s fear. It usually doesn’t make sense.
What are you afraid of?
Care to share your inner most terrors with the rest of us? Leave your fears in the comments below! Thank you for reading and have a fucking amazing Halloween!
P.S. Don’t forget to get your treat on Halloween and pre-order your copy of The White Wolf and The Darkness!
Halloween is almost here and I thought I’d give you guys my top five list for scariest movies. These are movies that scare the shit out of me and leave me feeling apprehensive and nervous for days after I watch them. Some are classics, some are not as well known, but all are perfect for your scare fest for the season. I’ll first say that almost all of them are supernatural horrors. I don’t get scared at slasher movies because I FEAR NO MAN and torture porn just makes me sick to my stomach and makes me worry for the world as they seem to be so very popular. No, all of the movies on my list are about shit being completely out of the average Joe’s understanding, let alone control.
5. The Exorcist
I know what you’re thinking. “The Exorcist? Wtf?!? This should be like number one on the list!” Yeah, I agree that as far as supernatural horrors go, this is kind of the creme of the crop. The problem is that I saw this one when I was 5 and then many,-MANY times thereafter, so some of the shock and creep is taken out of it for me at this point in my life. As with most of the horror movies from this era, the scariest thing about them (for me at least) is the sound. Not the sound track, but the actual SOUNDS. The voice of the demon is terrifying to me. The crab walk, not so much.
4. Session 9
Session 9 is a movie I found all on my own one day when I was around 17 years old. This was again one of those films where the voices or sounds of the movie scared me more then what was actually happening. The voice on the tape terrifies me and we still aren’t sure what it is. The relatively mundane tone of the film at its beginning coupled with the idea that this could have easily been me (I used to do a lot of contract/painting and the like in my youth), made for an atmosphere that was all too frighteningly familiar. Session 9 also leaves the watcher feeling not just scared, but really sort of depressed and worried about their state of mind. Plus, it was before David Caruso wore cool sunglasses, so there wasn’t even any comic relief.
Ah, this one is easily my favorite. I saw Phantasm before I could form words, I think. This movie has solidly the most memorable main title theme in a horror movie ever. Just hearing the theme can make my hairs stand on end. I’m listening to it now and…eep, there they go. The Tall Man, the Dwarves, the portal to fucking Mars it seems, the silver death balls, THE FUCKING BEE MONSTER AT THE END!! All of these things come together to craft a solid B horror title that never ceases to terrify me. Fun fact: I met Angus Scrimm when I was 8 at a convention with my dad and sister. He was VERY nice and took a pic with us all. He even called me BOY! Another fun fact: My Dad kind of looks/looked like Angus Scrimm and was also fond of calling me BOY! I had an exciting childhood.
2. The Shining
I don’t think any list of good horror films could be complete without at least mentioning The Shining. Jack Nicholson has arguably never been scarier in anything else. Jack’s slow decent into total madness and Danny’s creepiness (yes, Danny was a creepy little kid, I said it) made the atmosphere oppressive to say the least. The thing that always got to me, though, you know, aside from the evil twins, bear costume weirdness and psycho with an axe, was how sweet Shelly Duvall was in this movie. More than many a damsel in distress, I really felt for her in this movie. She was just always so sweet, which made the idea of harm coming to her more terrifying. These days, you can’t wait for someone to die in a horror movie, because everyone is always so mean or asinine. More than anything though, room 237 lives in my memory and my nightmares.
1. The Haunting
The Haunting is hands down the most terrifying movie I’ve ever watched. Once again one I saw, or rather, was forced to watch it when I was very young. With relatively few true special effects, The Haunting scares the viewer with strange cinematography, a dark and oppressive setting and one damned creepy actress. This movie scared me more with a close-up of a small section of wallpaper and some weird sounds in the background than most movies can with all the bloody make-up they can muster. Anytime I’m thinking of scary movies, I think of the Haunting. There are so many solid scenes that could be considered the scariest in the movie, I can’t really choose one. If you are a horror movie fan and haven’t seen this one, you OWE it to yourself to watch it alone in the dark.
What horror movies should I watch Right Now?
What horror movies do you watch? What do you love about them? Is there one I should drop everything to watch right now? Let me know in the comments and have a nice, spooky day.
Hey everyone, I hope you enjoyed The Inspection. Things will be getting back to normal this week with a regular post today and a lore post on Thursday.
Today I’d like to talk about the paranormal. Specifically paranormal experiences that I’ve had, some that folks I know have had, and some that folks I’ve never even met have had. I grew up in a very active house, as far as the paranormal is concerned. I have five siblings older than me who grew up in that house before me and most of them have had some kind of experience or another. As for me, when I was very young, I used to see shadow forms a lot. Some looked like small animals, some looked like standing humans and some looked like hooded figures.
Once, when I was about six or seven, my sister and I were home alone. She was babysitting me and the rest of the family was out for the evening. It was quite late and I was in my sister’s room laying on a daybed near a window, trying to fall asleep. I could not even remotely sleep; my mind was racing. Suddenly, I saw a silhouette on the shade of the window from the outside. At first I thought it was a bird or something, but I realized almost immediately, and to my horror, that it was in the shape of a human skeleton wearing a Parson’s hat. I started to cry and woke my sister who was sleeping nearby. She turned on the light and, of course, the silhouette disappeared. My sister was skeptical, but went and looked out the window, finding nothing. This wasn’t surprising, as it was a (roughly) twenty foot shear drop to the concrete ground out the back of the house. She let me sleep in her bed for the night and I never saw the figure again….while I was awake. Chronically after this event, I had a recurring nightmare. Not about a skeleton with a hat, but featuring a wicked old man with a hat, dressed all in black, including a huge black cape. As I grew older I stopped having the nightmare and dismissed the event as the overactive imagination of a very imaginative child. I later discovered a phenomenon called the Hatman, which brought back all of those memories and had me wondering just what was outside that window that night.
I’ve heard a ton of stories over the years and I admit I seek them out. If you know me, I will likely ask you about any experiences you’ve had as candidly as I might ask about any movies you might have seen. By far the strangest story I have ever heard was from a coworker of mine from when I worked as a janitor at a university which will remain nameless for the time being. She told me she had been working in a building on campus which at one time had been a morgue. It was not her regular posting, but she was a thorough cleaner so she looked for something to do. She found a bathroom on the sub-basement level and cleaned the entire thing. Pulled the trash, disinfected, cleaned the toilet and wiped everything down. She later informed her coworkers that she had done the work, so they did not need to worry about it. They were very confused, insisting that there was no bathroom in the area that she’d indicated, to the point at which they insisted she show them the room. When she brought them down to the area, the hall in question was not there. The hall simply dead ended after a turn. Needless to say, she was very worried and confused. She even went so far as to seek therapy, concerned she may need assistance with her own metal health and faculties, but there wasn’t anything wrong with her that any doctor or therapist could find. She was later relating the experience to another coworker, who informed her that there had at one time been a bathroom there, back when the building had been a morgue. When she told me this story I was completely floored. I knew I would never forget it, just because it was so damned strange.
Which brings me to the experiences of folks I’ve never met — you!
Please share any strange experiences you’re comfortable with in the comments. I look forward to reading and, of course, retelling your stories. Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day.